Fictional Functional Fitness

I work in a gym. It's not the first gym/fitness center that I've worked in and may not be the last. It's a good one for the time being though.

There are certainly issues here however, as there are everywhere. I'm tired of "functional fitness" experts and the strange concepts they utilize in training their clientele. The owner of this gym (and I should add, my best friend in the world) is an advocate of this.

The "swiss ball" thing is stupid. I get what people think it is supposed to be for. I really do. It's all about inducing activation of the stabilizer muscles of the "core region." Great, so sitting on a ball and doing shoulder presses with light dumbbells will make me work on my balance? Cool.

However...doing heavy-ass barbell squats- with the bar across my shoulders and loaded with 300+ pounds- does the EXACT SAME FUCKING THING! Barbell squats offer two additional advantages as well. One is, they actually make you stronger. Why else would we lift weights, if not to be stronger?

Two, you don't look like a fucking retarded sissy if you're doing heavy barbell squats. If you're doing 20lb dumbbell presses while seated on a "swiss ball," you look like a retarded sissy.

Don't try and tell me that barbell squats don't activate the stabilizers either. Have you ever had 300+ pounds across your shoulders? If you have, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, you need to keep your fucking piehole shut about shit you don't know.

Same thing with crunches and shit. The abdominus rectus and the obliques-external and internal- are designed for stabilization. Not for spinal flexion. Not for torso rotation. Spell it out, S-T-A-B-I-L-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N.

If you are going to claim that all your exercises and programs are designed to promote core stabilization, don't then tell me I'm doing it wrong because I don't do crunches. (I do do crunches and sit-ups, just not every single workout.) The fact is, other than lifting heavy weight during the basic T-Rex lifts, the ab wheel rollout is the single best "ab" or "core" exercise you can do.

"Functional Fitness" should be about making life easier. That part of of the Paul Chek fan club mantra is accurate. Lifting heavy weight during the five T-Rex lifts is the way to accomplish that.

So, quit telling me about your awesome personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness who made you do prone planks off the "Swiss Ball.Just do the exercises I've put in your program. You will get stronger and fitter. Isn't that sort of the fucking idea?